What Can I Do To Help My Child During

This Difficult Time?

Listen, Listen, Listen

Your child will need to talk about and tell the story of the loss over and over and over. Each time the story is told your child gains mastery and more of a sense of control over the situation.   

Provide Structure

Make sure there is some schedule and real consistency in rules and consequences for inappropriate behavior. Go over plans, especially when children will be involved or when children will be left to be supervised by others. Sudden changes are particularly hard for children in the midst of the stress of loss and grief.

Give your child permission to feel good...

and express happiness as well as other feelings. Even if others in a family are sad, this does not mean happiness is not an acceptable feeling as well.

Hugs, snuggles, and other gestures of physical affection...

may become more important during this time.  Be especially generous in offering these loving gestures.  Clingy behavior is certainly normal and understandable during these times.

Be honest in talking with your child about the situation.

Present the facts at a developmentally appropriate level for your child. When children are not given honest information about a situation they will naturally “fill in the blanks” through their imagination. This fantasy explanation is often far more harmful and disturbing than the truth. Use clear and concise language remembering that younger children understand language very concretely.

Help your child develop a vocabulary for expressing feelings.

When you see an expression of feeling, suggest some possible feelings the child may be experiencing and allow the child to identify which one fits. For example you might say, “It looks like you may be sad or frustrated by your slumped shoulders and tight chin.” Or you may even say, “It sure makes sense that you may be feeling sad or disappointed today.”  When you are feeling sad it is okay to express that aloud.  Model for your child the healthy expression of feeling and ways you comfort yourself.