Making It Through The Holidays

For many this is the year they wish November and December would simply not happen. Or perhaps just falling asleep for a couple of months would solve the sense of dread?? Unfortunately we can’t just go to sleep and it’s even pretty hard to simply ignore what is all around us at this time of year. Hopefully the suggestions below will be helpful as you make your way through the 2008 holiday season.

Be intentional – Think about what you need and want to happen during the next couple of months. Talk to others in your family about their needs.
Give yourself permission to let go of some things. – Take a close look at the “rituals” of your holiday seasons of the past. Which of these rituals has meaning for you this year and which ones may be fine to simply not do this year? If something MUST be done, perhaps you can find a friend to help you or even do it for you.
Be patient with yourself – This year your level of stress in the midst of grief will even be more intense than during any other holiday season. So, eliminate anything stressful that isn’t a necessary activity or component of the day. Give yourself extra time to recuperate from events as gatherings will be especially draining and facing them in a rested condition will make it much easier.
Remember your loved one – For some folks it is really important to incorporate some kind of a special ritual of remembering where their loved one is named and talked about. For others it is not helpful or comforting to remember in such an overt manner. Decide what you need and enlist others to help you plan if you want to do something special.
Reach out and beyond yourself – Offering time and talents in service to others, even in very small bites of time is often a way to lift spirits during a difficult time.
Be health minded – Try to eat healthily, get the rest you need, and engage in some kind of physical exercise regularly. Because an already stressful time of year is compounded by grief it is extremely important to give yourself the healthiest choices possible. Even though you may think you want to just sleep through the season, you don’t want to end up in bed sick for the season!
Tradition or Not? – Often people are advised to do something totally different during the holiday season immediately following the loss of a family member. For some this is just the right recipe. But for others it is not at all what is needed. Perhaps you and your family need a blend of the two, creating some new rituals amidst the traditional ones. Think and talk about the options. Follow your own gut instincts about what you and your family will find most helpful.
Recognize that you will experience a roller-coaster of feelings during this time. Have a ready list of tools for helping to balance out the highs and the lows. Remember that grief is already an isolating experience. So, it’s important to plan for time with other people. If big gatherings are too difficult be intentional about planning lots of informal mini-gatherings.
Make a list of things/people who nurture you. Keep it near by. Refer to it often. Below are some possible items for that list.

candles, music, a walk or drive in nature, getting a massage, lunch with a friend, reading a ‘mindless’ book, meditation, watching a good movie, baking something for a neighbor, jigsaw puzzles, etc

You will survive this difficult time – perhaps it will even turn out better than you are anticipating. In any case, remember that you are not alone and it will not always be so painful. Resolve to share your grief with someone during this time. Experience the gift of someone being fully present to you and your story.